


of inanity and apple pies

by avadescent



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Birthday, Drabble, Gen, Post-Canon, the usual inanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avadescent/pseuds/avadescent
Summary: “In any case, there should be no apple pie served during Alphonse’s nineteenth.”“Why? Afraid he’ll get food poisoning?”
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric & Winry Rockbell, Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye & Winry Rockbell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	of inanity and apple pies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [presumenothing (justjoy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjoy/gifts).



> This fic is as haphazard as Ed's pie. Happy birthday, presume!

Nobody knew exactly  _ whose  _ decision it was, but needless to say it was ruled that apple pie was strictly prohibited from being invited to Al’s nineteenth birthday.

Winry was particularly incensed at the proclamation—exactly whose jurisdiction was it to say that  _ apple pie  _ of all things couldn’t be baked on Al’s birthday, anyway?—but it wasn’t as if she had any say on the matter, if the absent-minded way the Colonel was looking at her was any indication.

“Seriously?” Winry intoned, frustrated, and from her dutiful spot by the desk Lieutenant Hawkeye suppressed what was either an annoyed wince or an irritated eye-roll. “‘Military orders’?  _ That’s  _ what you’re calling it?”

“In any case,” the Colonel winced, and Winry wondered if it was on the Lieutenant’s behalf, “There should be no apple pie served during Alphonse’s nineteenth.”

“Why? Afraid he’ll get food poisoning?” Needless to say, Winry felt like she was being personally attacked. “I’ve been baking it perfectly since last year, it’s not like—”

“This is a pointless conversation, don’t you think?” the Lieutenant cut in, her gaze poised like the barrel of a gun, ready to shoot, as always. “The Colonel simply has concerns regarding Alphonse’s… copious intake of apple pie over the last year. Surely you can focus on baking anything other than that for a special occasion such as this?”

This time Winry’s frown looked as though she was ready to challenge the Lieutenant’s gun with the righteous fury of her wrench alone. She lifted up her fingers and counted. “Major General Armstrong is telling me Alphonse is attempting to diet, Second Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Brosh are telling me he’s developed a liking to mango pie instead, and Ed is telling me he’s just plain sick of it!” Her voice cracked a little at the end, and both the Colonel and his Lieutenant winced at the possibility that Ed would be showing up to the party with the largest bruise situated in the middle of his forehead. Wrench-shaped, of course.

“Tell me which one it is or so help me I will cross the goddamn  _ desert  _ to ask Al myself!”

“Ah, no need for that,” the Colonel attempted, looking a little frazzled at Winry’s outburst. Maybe he wasn’t used to young girls yelling at him. Maybe he was frazzled for another reason entirely. “If you’re really upset, you may approach Fullmetal himself—”

He caught his subordinate’s gaze and immediately recoiled, hiding his hands away in his coat lest Hawkeye find it imperative to stab him with his own pens. “Permission to accompany Ms Rockbell to the gate, sir?”

“Granted.”

_ “Hold on, I’m not finished—!” _

The Lieutenant seemed used to dealing with high-tempered adolescents as she strode forward to grab Winry by the elbow and drag her out of the Colonel’s office. Winry held up much protest, but there was really nothing she could do considering the Lieutenant was a trained  _ soldier. _

Internally, Riza was a little glad for the younger girl’s high spirits. She was quite sure then that Winry’s temper was the only one that could ever rival Fullmetal’s.

In other words, it was just as amusing to deal with.

///

Winry managed to compose herself along the way. She held her head down silently as Hawkeye walked her out to the gate, and it almost felt as though nothing had changed—that Winry was still the petulant, stubborn little girl Riza had met on that couch several years ago. It was almost comforting, the fact that some things just never changed.

“I’m surprised that you’re the one visiting Central,” Riza said, and next to her Winry gave a grunt of agreement. “I expected Fullmetal to be the one barging through the doors, especially since Alphonse will be arriving from Xing in a few days.”

“I know. It surprised me too,” Winry replied, and this time she looked less upset and more pensive. “Ed practically shooed me away, now that I think about it. Said he would be the one to handle all the birthday preparations.”

_ “You work me like a slave every single time I come back, might as well go all the way, idiot.” _

_ “You talk like you actually  _ enjoy  _ doing all the housework!” _

_ “Shut up! I’m just saying—!” _

Riza suppressed another eye-roll.  _ Honestly. These kids. _

“That’s a lot of dramatics over an apple pie, don’t you think?” Riza prompted.

Winry crossed her arms. “It’s just—Al’s the reason I’ve been trying to make my apple taste as good as Ms Gracia’s all this time. And just when I’ve managed to perfect the recipe Ed comes along and tells me the  _ Colonel  _ ordered that apple pie was prohibited.” She threw her hands up in the air and slouched, and the action made Riza’s brow raise simply because it was so reminiscent of Fullmetal’s own temper tantrums. “Who prohibits  _ apple pie?!” _

Riza… really had nothing else to say for that. “There’s been an apple pandemic all over the country. As of the past week, apples have been considered unsafe to eat, hence the city has declared a temporary apple ban to ensure the health of the citizens.”

As Winry stared at her incredulously, Riza was thoroughly incensed that the males in her life had reduced her to using such a terrible excuse.

///

The journey from Central to Resembool was tense.

Al looked hopelessly between Winry, who was fuming silently, and Colonel Mustang, who looked like he was much better off fighting a homunculi than he was dealing with each and every single one of them.

When Al had returned from Xing with Mei, Ling, and Lan Fan by his side, he had expected a warm welcome from his brother. What he had  _ not  _ expected, however, was to be greeted by Winry, whose welcome was no less warm, though it was significantly heated.

He assured her multiple times that he had not instructed any of their friends to ban her from making an apple pie on his birthday. Which, frankly, was the weirdest thing he’d ever done where Winry was concerned.

His childhood friend still looked incensed even after a full day had passed and they were all ready to travel back to Resembool for his birthday celebration. Al was well-versed enough in the spectrum of her temper that he was fairly sure all of her anger was now directed at his brother, who in retrospect had probably been the reason behind the inanity of this whole apple-pie-ban in the first place. 

Al put his hands together and silently prayed.

///

Of all the birthday surprises Al had ever seen in his life, he certainly didn’t expect something as plain and as tremendously heart-warming as  _ this. _

Ed was nearly covered, head-to-toe, in flour, and maybe a little batter, and plastered on his face was the biggest self-satisfied grin he’d ever seen his brother wear. Which was saying something, considering Ed had a whole lot of other things to be self-satisfied about.

Next to him, Winry’s brow twitched at the sight of a haphazardly put-together apple pie resting between his hands.

What happened next was a flurry of activity. Mei and Ling wandered into the house, pointedly ignoring the stare-down occurring between Ed and Winry, the latter headed straight for the buffet table that Ed had managed to set-up. Lan Fan and Mei traded looks over Ling’s shoulder as he instantly got a plate for himself, and seemingly taking the young emperor’s cue, all of Ed and Al’s military friends wandered over to treat themselves, with Hawkeye pausing beside Winry for a moment as if in encouragement.

Encouragement from Lieutenant Hawkeye was decidedly a very,  _ very bad thing. _

Ed’s smile slowly faded away into a gulp. “It’s not Winry’s, but—”

“Brother—”

_ “Are you kidding me?!” _

Everyone in the house winced at the sound of Winry’s screech. From her perch by the stairs, Granny took a long drag from her pipe.

_ “You’re telling me there was an apple pie ban because you wanted to bake one yourself?!” _

“Hey,” Ed shrugged defensively, “I wanted to make it, and knowing you, you would’ve stuck your nose into it and done it yourself—”

“He exploded your oven!” Granny called innocently.

“Shut up, guppy geezer!”

_ “You what?!” _

“Hey now,” Al attempted, though he very well knew he could do nothing in the grand scheme of things, “I’m happy you tried for me, Brother. I’m sure that’s a very delicious apple pie!”

“You’re damn  _ right  _ it’s delicious.”

Granny snorted.

Ed growled.

Winry facepalmed. “If you wanted to make one, you could’ve just  _ told me,  _ you idiot.”

“I wanted to do this by myself! So I sent you off, no harm done—”

“You told  _ everyone  _ that Al thought my apple pie sucked!”

“Needed to make sure you wouldn’t bake one in Central!”

As Edward and Winry traded off insults Al thought fondly to himself that he definitely did have the best brother in the world, even if the notion would never find itself said out loud. He quietly took the pie from Ed’s hands, who didn’t notice because then they were preoccupied with protecting himself from Winry’s figurative and literal blows _ —“What, like I can bake an apple pie with alchemy?!” — _ and humming to himself he shared a piece of it with Granny and Ling.

Above the commotion, Colonel Mustang sighed into a cracker. “Fullmetal really doesn’t change. He’s still incredibly stupid and temperamental.”

“Winry is just as temperamental as he is,” Lieutenant Hawkeye said, hiding her accompanying smile with the rim of her cup. “And you know it takes a whole military to convince Fullmetal to do anything.”

“You say that like Fullmetal has ever been persuaded by the military to do something.”

This time, Riza let her smile be seen.


End file.
